so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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