i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
