How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
