I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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