Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
