Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
