Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
