I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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