I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
