Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
