this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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