so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
