How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
