At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
