Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
