just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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