just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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