By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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