we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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