Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
