I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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