Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Mom said you looked used
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
