there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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