And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
