Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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