You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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