how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize