in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
