Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
