"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
