Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
bring money and cleavage
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
