I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
