Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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