Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
