things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize