You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
