I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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