i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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