He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
