I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
