i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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