You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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