so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
