you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
