Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize