Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
