She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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