White coat. Heels.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
