just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
