I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
