the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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