now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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