I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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