I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
