It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
