Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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