I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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