is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
