I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
