and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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