so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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