ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
