But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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