I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you would pick up someone in the library
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Someone came in the potted fern
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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