hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
