just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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