if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
