This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
