I love black thongs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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