I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
