Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
