come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
