Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize