Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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